Recently I (Ryan) have been a little surprised to find myself really tired (bedtime at 8 pm sounds great), emotional, and unfocused. I don't sleep all that well and often rehearse in my mind any memory I have of our experience with Emily so I can somehow ensure myself I won't forget. In a weird way I am experiencing some of my deepest moments of sadness now, months after Emily's passing.
I don't think my experience is unique, especially from other men who have endured a tragedy. As men attempt to love and lead their loved ones through a difficult experience their own opportunity to grieve is often delayed. For me in the months prior to Emily's birth and the months after her death I ran on adrenaline and I ran cover for my family. And now... well, I'm not able to run anymore. I feel rather stuck. And so I'm going to be still and grieve and pursue my God as the One who encourages hearts, heals souls, and holds the broken together. I would appreciate your prayers.
How Great is Our God!
On another note... we recently learned that my (Ryan) sister, Cortleigh, and her husband, Jim, who are expecting their first child, received news late in the pregnancy that their little girl, Clara Grace, is in rather serious danger. Cortleigh is now living at the hospital under continual care and testing. Please pray for strength for this dear family and healing for little Clara.