Friday, January 15, 2010

Agony and Irony

Have you ever found God hard to figure out? His Words are true and his character unchangeable, but sometimes His ways are not understandable or predictable. Overall, I am thankful God is bigger than any box I might have for Him… but admittedly not so much today.

Outside of a few family members and friends we had not yet announced our exciting news that Laura was pregnant. The timing was a surprise but our joy was immense; we felt like the Lord was blessing our family after a season of testing (the due date was August 28th, the day before Emily’s one year anniversary). The pregnancy seemed strong, Laura did everything right, and we were fervent in prayer (the daily prayer of the kids: “Lord, can we keep this one?”).

Sadly, our announcement now is simply that we are not out of the valley; our “one more shot” at having another baby came to an end yesterday with a miscarriage. The Lord clearly has another plan and we carry another wound. We are not sure how to process this one other than seeing again the Lord does not always put the grieving in a protective bubble to fend off further pain (remember Job?). We would appreciate your prayers.

Agony aside, in a weird twist of irony as my wife was having a miscarriage my sister was having her first baby. I mention this good news as we asked for prayer for baby Clara previously on this blog. The latest news is that Clara is healthy, chunky, and a fervent eater. We are thankful that all is well.

“For my ways are not your ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Ordinary Privates

“… We want to prove to ourselves that we are lovers on the grand scale, tragic heroes; not just ordinary privates in the huge army of the bereaved, slogging along and making the best of a bad job.”
C.S. Lewis A Grief Observed

I read this quote by Lewis on the final day of 2009 and was struck by how true his statement was of me. I confess that there were (are) times I thought nobody else loved a daughter or experienced a loss like we did. In all sincerity, please forgive me. On one hand I know nobody loved Emily like Laura and me (naturally), so we grieve her more than others. But that certainly doesn’t mean we grieve more than others in general. We all face troubles of many kinds and grieve in our own ways. And so, we want to continue writing on this blog in the New Year as “ordinary privates slogging along,” and not tragic heroes. There is only one hero, Jesus Christ, and words shared here desire to point to Him as the true source of hope and healing.

“Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs- he wants to please his commanding officer.” 2 Timothy 2:3-4