Friends and family have left town. Weeks of anticipation (37 to be exact) followed by a birth, a death, a burial, a service... and now it's quiet. Very quiet. Last night we found ourselves each clinging to one of Emily's blankets and rolling memories of the previous week through our minds. We were not good company- not even to each other.
I find it interesting that, as a pastor, I am privileged to walk with people through their grief. I've officiated funerals for both the young and the old and attempted to provide people with a biblical perspective and encouragement during these occasions. But now that I am the one going through the grief I'm far less certain- not in the truth of God's Word but how to move forward in life. How do I return to a normal routine? How do I move forward? When am I allowed to feel joy again (without feeling bad that I feel good)? I even carry the fear that remembering how to go about daily life again will mean the forgetting of Emily. I sense that normal, from this point forward, will be redefined. It must be redefined.
Lord, would this new normal become nothing short of a deeper love, broader dependence, sharper holiness, firmer faith, and more passionate worship of you.
"Teach me how to live, O Lord..." Psalm 27:11a