A month ago Emily was born, not into the cradled arms of her expecting mother but the tender hands of her loving Savior. Each day since has brought its share of heartache and hope. It has also continued to be a time of refining in our lives.
Before Emily’s birth I wrote in my journal, “Emily is not the only one who is dying. I believe there are things that God wants to kill in my life, things that do not bring him glory. As Emily is peacefully surrendered to the will of God in her circumstance, so I want to be surrendered as well under the Lord’s leadership. Death brings life. I can see many areas in my heart that I need God to deal with.” Selfishness. Anger. Wanting to be in Control. And the list goes on and on...
These weeks of refinement have also been weeks of grace and experiencing God’s gentleness. More than ever we can see that surrender to Christ is not about giving up or giving in, but giving over. Amazingly, He wants our junk and He wants our hurt and He wants to do something beautiful with the mess.
Our first month without Emily had been a clumsy experience for us; we grieved in awkward ways and in awkward moments. We also experienced the peace that passes understanding as God, with all gentleness, showed us rough edges in our lives. It would seem a cruel season for God to refine a couple, yet it also has shown us just how much He really cares. His fingerprints are all over our lives right now and we couldn't be more thankful.